The holiday season should be a great time for us to have fun, connection, and experiences – with our spouses, with close friends, and with the extended family. But precisely at times that are supposed to strengthen the family bond, and especially to strengthen the marital bond, sometimes conflicts and disagreements arise that eventually lead to arguments and dissatisfaction.
There are many topics related to holidays and vacations, where each spouse has a particular preference that is not always appropriate and comfortable for the other spouse, such as “where will we do the holiday, with his parents, with her parents, or maybe it is better to have the holiday at home to enjoy with the nuclear family” Alone “?,” And if we are the hosts – who will we invite “? Because not always all family members or friends of one spouse are likable in the eyes of the other spouse, to say the least.
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It Takes Two to Tango
There may also be disagreements about the places of entertainment during the holidays themselves: where will we go? For a few days? To which attractions? The absurdity is that some of the controversies that may arise around these issues stem from one common denominator – the desire for shared and connecting fun. In the end, the couple wants to have fun together, but without noticing, they are sometimes dragged into separating acts rather than uniting.
Disagreements are usually relatively easy to mediate and resolve. The form of couple communication is very important and especially important to know how to give up. We must know how to convey our position in a respectful way, honestly reason why a certain thing is more important to us, but also know how to listen to the other side and understand why he is resisting, and then consider things from a place of flexibility. Finally you are a couple with different desires and opinions that you will have to accept and respect. In a proper relationship one needs to enter the world of the other party, feel it, live his worldview and understand the motives of his desires.
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Challenging time for relationships
Sometimes resistance is created not because of principled things, but because we do not want to give our spouses the feeling that they have received what they wanted. There are those who will interpret the waiver as surrender, as a kind of control of the spouse over them, which is the one who determined and decided, and they see this as a danger to the continuation of the relationship in the aspect of the other’s control over me, and the abolition of my self.
There are others who express objections just so that the spouse does not get what he wants. Usually this kind of stubbornness sits on deeper sediments in the relationship. When we are dissatisfied with our marital relationship or things are not going the way we would like, our subconscious does not give us the motivation and energy to do good after, on the contrary, we seek to place obstacles in it.
When spouses are really important to us and we feel love and appreciation for them, we are asked to want them to be happy and it is easier for us to please them. Even if it means getting out of our comfort zone for a while.
Practical action methods for couple coping
When there is already a history of disagreements between the spouses regarding decisions related to stays and vacations on holidays and vacations, there may have been room to suggest as a solution that on a particular holiday or vacation one of the spouses will make the decisions about departures and hospitality exclusively and on other holidays and vacations. The second.
But there is room to blame such a solution, because it seems to be an escape from the problem instead of dealing with it. When deciding in advance that certain holidays and vacations will be under the sole decision of one of the spouses, giving up discourse and communication and the ability to make decisions and give up, run away from dealing with conflicts and leave the decision to first party discretion, so to speak. Due to inconvenience in principle. Which can lead to a worse state of reckoning, that the spouse who went through a holiday or holiday that is not to his liking because of his spouse’s unilateral decision, will want to give back to the other party and make him ‘rather’ on the next holiday or vacation, creating a less pleasant environment for him.
Marital disagreement is part of a long and healthy marital system. It is inconceivable that the couple will always see everything equally, this is normal and there is no need to panic about it. Disagreements are not the problem itself, but stubbornness and inflexibility. We tend to see only ourselves at the center and do not respect and consider the other side as well, or on the other hand insist on being right even when it eventually becomes clear to us that we were wrong.