What men want to say about women’s quota and equality, but are not allowed

What do men want to say – and are not allowed?

In general, there is a lack of understanding in which situations women can find themselves in work. Many men have the feeling that equality measures were overwhelmed. Women are over -advised, men disadvantaged. A common concern is no longer promoted as a man and left out.

Which is quickly refuted with a look at the numbers.

In most cases it is actually not true. We also see this in the companies in which we are. Men are very well promoted. So your worries are greater than the problem with which you have to do. Nevertheless, the fears are real and have great resistance developed.

In their “Safe Spaces” they watch ten archetypes of men – from alpha to the quiet man. Who is the easiest to win as an ally?

You can work well with the pseudo feminist and the average man. The pseudo feminist is usually someone who has understood the problem a bit. But he also thinks of doing enough in practice. So he overestimates himself and underestimates the topic. The average man is the largest type of men, the majority of men fall into this category. It is interesting because his sayings he expresses are typical of a male, unreflected setting. This is not a tough sexism, but a perfect ignorance of the topic.

Would you have an example?

One of the most common statements that we hear in the company context is: We do not decide according to gender, but according to competence. When I hear that, I know that he didn’t understand the problem. Because he assumes to be able to judge who is the most highly qualified person in an interview. And not to be shaped by prejudices. Even the similarity bias, i.e. to choose the person who is similar to you, is extremely strong.

Is that already chauvinism?

As a rule, they don’t want women to be bad in their lives. This shows us statistics. So if you start to understand the topic, you have an openness.

How do you penetrate?

The only effective way to activate men is to show them: the problem is not far away. It not only happens to women in Hollywood, but their own colleagues. So we have to make it very personally, almost painful.

Specifically, how?

We get anonymous everyday experiences of sexism that make women within their company. We confront the men with what their colleagues have to listen to. How they are overlooked or treated. There is a shock moment for many or the debate drives down at least. Sayings come like: “I would not have thought that it still exists today.”

She probably doesn’t surprise that. They say: If you hardly experience sexism yourself, you simply cannot imagine that it exists.

This is the point we really try to convey, including the female readers. I’m a white, German guy myself. Someone like me does not experience any discrimination. Men do not understand the problem because they have the feeling that it is not as big as women describe. And women don’t understand that men no longer get involved because it is so present for them.

Discussions then often lead into nothing. Women say they are treated poorly. Men call counterexamples where they feel the same way. Is that fair?

Sometimes the thread of patience tears me. This relativization actually happens at every event we do. You have to keep against it. Yes, there are many problems that men have that we also have to solve. But that is not comparable to structural sexism that women experience. As a society, we are very concerned with men’s problems, just when we look at medical examinations and research. How much money is invested. Men really don’t fall under the bikes.

How do both parties find each other?

The topic is complicated and at the same time the solution is not complicated. It’s really about building understanding. Talk to each other, listen to women, to believe them. None of these are radical demands.

With equality, the competition naturally increases. Why should someone who has enjoyed privileges so far should voluntarily do without them?

It is right – we approach an equal society, men, especially the average, have more difficult to be hired or promoted. Or climb into a chief position. You have to be so honest and men miss that frequently. But at the moment we see the situation that men don’t get up because of their qualifications, but because they are men.

It’s very pleasant.

We men have to consider whether we want to contribute to a social system where mothers, sisters, colleagues and wives are treated and respected well. Can be safe. Or whether we want to be part of a system in which this is not the case. By being interrupted, underestimated, sexistically attacked. Actually, you cannot be interested in this world, even if it means not being promoted. Maybe then it will be the partner, then I also benefit from it.

Would you like to become more allied now, what does man have to do and is he respected by women?

What women don’t want, of course, are that they are now explained to them how equality works. But if you go seriously with a portion of humility to listen to the willingness, learn from women and also recognize that as a man not to understand the topic so well, yes. It takes the willingness to get criticism and accept. I myself deal a lot with the topic and regularly make mistakes.

One way would of course be to read your book. But we know that it will only read the ones who have heard most of them. So women. Or should you force partners and colleagues to read?

There is already that, we heard of several women to explicitly order the book for their husband or brother. A journalist who received the book before appearance was given to her husband and sons. And said: We will talk about it on a skiing holiday. So our hope is that the book somehow finds its way into men’s hands. We don’t have a magic wand for it now, but maybe this is another task of male allies: to pass on the book to other men.