St. Pauli against HSV: A football game below freezing point

So many mishaps, so little inspiration: In the first half, Hamburg goalkeeper Daniel Heuer Fernandes and Luka Vuskovic constantly pushed the ball to each other. You take it, I’ll have it for sure – the saying has rarely been so true, but security was guaranteed by the opponent’s almost infuriating passivity. And he really wasn’t in a better mood. St. Pauli defender Hauke ​​Wahl, annoyed by his teammates’ lack of free-wheeling efforts, treated the ball like an annoyed family father would a whining child – the main thing was to get it away, regardless of whether it was going to the stands or to the in-laws.

However, probably the most exemplary scene of this Hamburg city derby was kindly provided by HSV striker Rayan Philippe. In the middle of the second half, the Frenchman suddenly had a lot of space in front of him, three Hamburgers against three St. Paulians, Philippe dribbled at speed towards the opponent’s goal, looked up… and then did something with his outside instep, which was originally supposed to be a pass to a teammate who was rushing along, but ended up in the hands of the goalkeeper Nikola Vasilj as a serious industrial accident.

Rarely has a football game been worth one goal less. Expectations of a fun evening of football have rarely been counteracted more impressively. What the approximately 29,000 spectators saw on Friday in the Millerntorstadion was likely to be a serious contender for one of the lowest zero-zero in Bundesliga history. In the bitter cold, they were treated to a football game far below freezing. Due to the constant lighting in the stands, the scoreboard even froze with the message: “The burning of pyrotechnics is prohibited here in the stadium.” The indication of the playing time therefore had to be removed.

And the spectators got lost in this staccato of non-events, there were hardly any exceptions: it was quite nice to see Hamburg’s Fabio Vieira passing the ball back and forth with St. Pauli players during one of the numerous breaks in the game, and the Japanese Joel Chima Fujita also showed solidarity with players from his city rivals to keep warm. Hamburg’s Damien Downs would have had a good chance to score if an offside position hadn’t prevented it. A header from Vuskovic was also reported. The Kiezkickers, in the person of Arkadiusz Pyrka and Danel Sinani, also actually had a good shot at the opposing goal in the final quarter of an hour. And then it was (finally?) over.

After all, those involved were aware of their guilt. “I don’t need to make an instructional video of the game,” said St. Pauli coach Alexander Blessin: “We sometimes played the balls into areas where it was sometimes pointless.” HSV coach Merlin Polzin spoke of a “derby that will certainly not be remembered for long.” In any case, this draw does not represent any real help for either team. HSV missed the opportunity to create a little more safety distance from the relegation zone. Depending on how Heidenheim and Mainz play, St. Pauli could fall back to last place in the table.

After all: a new speed record was reported this Bundesliga season

Both teams do some things well, but they also each have very specific weaknesses. Apart from Friday, HSV often combines well forward, even into the zone in which their own strikers are hanging around. There, however, the attacks peter out with unsightly regularity: Damien Downs, who was loaned from Southampton two weeks ago, has not yet provided any clues as to why he could solve Hamburg’s goal problem. For Ransford Königsdörffer, who is always overwhelmed, hopes of this have long since dried up. When the two were replaced midway through the second half, it became clear why Coach Polzin was still relying on them. Or better yet: have to rely on them. The substitutes Robert Glatzel, Jean-Luc Dompé and Rayan Philippe then stopped the opposing defense line from making any attempt in a dubious joint effort. Without pressing, a top league level cannot be guaranteed. Together with Heidenheim, HSV scored the second fewest goals, the only worse is, yes, exactly: FC St. Pauli. The bright spot in the Kiezkicker’s attack was the (really fantastic) name Ricky-Jade Jones; the Englishman raced across the pitch in the derby at 36.1 km/h, a season record in the Bundesliga. However, Coach Blessin explicitly mentioned again on Friday that – apart from rushing across the pitch – there were still things in which he saw potential for improvement.

This sedating derby at least brought about a controversy, although no one needed it. After the final whistle, St. Pauli’s fans apparently insulted Mario Vuskovic, the brother of Hamburg’s talented defender Luka. And he’s rarely in the mood to joke about this topic. A verbal skirmish between Vuskovic and St. Pauli defender Karol Mets and assistant coach Peter Nemeth is said to have taken place in the players’ locker room. Previously, Vuskovic was furious and stomped off the pitch with the typical “Pssst!” gesture. “I don’t know what the St. Pauli fans are thinking,” said the Croatian on Sky: “It’s disrespectful to attack my family and my brother. I have nothing good to say about these fans.” By the way, no one else had a good word to say about this Hamburg city derby derby afterwards.