Neurodivergent and happy? Vicari: “The problem is not being different, but feeling wrong”

After “Teenagers, Interrupted”, Prof. Stefano Vicari returns to the bookstore with a new volume “Differently intelligent. Experiencing neurodivergence in a homologated world” (Feltrinelli editions). With his usual direct style and simple language, the director of the Complex Operational Unit of Child Neuropsychiatry of the IRCCS, Bambino Gesù Pediatric Hospital in Rome tells how a brain that does not follow conventional paths works. Autism, ADHD, dyslexia, giftedness and other forms of “outside the box” thinking are narrated with clarity and respect, intertwining scientific explanations, concrete cases and practical interventions.

Vicari tries to bring order to an increasingly crowded debate. “To be neurodivergenti”he explains, “means being different from the average of the general population”, an average made up of behaviors, emotional reactions and ways of thinking that tend to conform. Those who recognize themselves as neurodivergent, however, “face the world, react to stimuli, perceive emotions and implement behaviors which can be, for the average person, bizarrestrange, even incomprehensible.”

The risk of self-diagnosis

However, Vicari warns of a growing risk: the trivialization. “It often happens to me that people come to me and say: ‘I’m a bit autistic’, ‘I discovered I have ADHD’. There is a flourishing of self-diagnosis which underlines a need to define oneself, but which can hide the danger of some possible error”. And he adds: “There is the risk of trivializing autism and ADHD when they become a real disorder, because autism is a disease.”

At the same time, those who assign a label to themselves often express real discomfort: “Evidently they have a level of suffering in not recognizing themselves in a average operation”. It’s a double movement: avoiding belittling the disorders, but also recognizing the effort of those who live differently in a world that tends towards homologation. Vicari gives a concrete example: “A person who has difficulty being around others knows that the whole world expects him to go to parties, friends, noisy clubs. This effort causes stress and can lead to anxiety or depression.”

On the subject of ADHD in children, he rejects the idea of ​​a artificial boom: “I don’t think there is an overdiagnosis. Today we are better than in the past at making diagnoses and intercepting suffering.” The problem, he reiterates, is elsewhere: “The risk of self-diagnosis is identifying yourself with a list of symptoms without a critical spirit.”

Advice to parents

He offers parents a simple criterion: “I suggest evaluating whether your child’s quirk limits their quality of life or not.” In child psychiatryremember, there are no objective tests: “The fundamental principle is dysfunctionality, that is, when a behavior impacts the quality of life”.

Among the episodes he recounts, one marked him as a young doctor: a dyslexic child and the mother she discovers herself to be dysorthographic. “She told me: ‘Then I’m not stupid’. Knowing that this thing has a name gave her relief. It doesn’t mean she shouldn’t work hard, but it makes her feel less wrong.” It is an example of how context can transform neurodivergence into stigma or, on the contrary, into awareness.

It camouflages

Another central theme is the camouflagemasking. “We often see this in girls with elements of autism: they don’t want to live a long life relationbut they know that otherwise they would be considered losers. So they disguise themselves: they understand that they have to laugh when faced with certain jokes, that in order to be considered they have to be brilliantgo to the disco even if the loud noises are annoying.” A behavior which, if prolonged over the years, can become devastating: “It’s like being in a relationship as a couple without being in love anymore. You have to smile, pretend, but you would like to be elsewhere. This is stress, and can produce anxiety or depression.”

However, there is a positive message: neurodivergence it can become a talent, if welcomed and supported. “A very bright autistic person, placed in a suitable context, performs much more. If instead we force everyone to live according to standardized patterns, many cannot cope.” Vicari cites the mathematician who deciphered the Enigma code, but also Van Gogh, and recalls that “we have great artistic and scientific expressions born from different functions”. But he warns: “If we evaluate a child only on how long he sits on the desk for eight hours, without considering his abilities, we penalize him strongly.”