Experts warn of common mistakes that cause sex to ‘die’

Sexual desire can change over time in married life, especially as people age or face major life events. Many studies show that lifestyle and relationship factors can also cause decreased desire. However, according to experts, a change in desire or frequency of intercourse does not mean that the couple’s sex life is unstable.

Dr. Anna Elton, a marriage and family therapist and clinical sexologist in Massachusetts (USA), affirms that there is no specific number prescribed by medicine to define a healthy sex life.

“The standard of health lies in whether both people feel connected, satisfied and respected in the sexual relationship.” Fox News Digital quoting expert analysts.

According to her, this frequency may be several times a week for one couple but may only be once or twice a month for another couple, because the most standard measure is satisfaction from both sides. Instead of comparing your sex life to others, Dr. Elton encourages couples to define for themselves what is healthy for their own relationship.

“Talk to each other about what brings satisfaction, the maximum amount of time you can be apart before you start to feel disconnected, and what the warning signs are,” she says. “Once you’ve agreed on that appropriate amount of time, commit to maintaining it together.”

In addition, Dr. Elton recommends that couples should not let the distance prolong without actively reconnecting, because long-term separation will erode the relationship. If you just passively wait for the perfect mood or the right moment, work, children, and countless daily responsibilities will quickly get in the way. A sustainable relationship requires initiative from both sides in initiating connection and creating a favorable environment for desire to be aroused.

For many couples, focusing on developing their careers, raising children, taking care of elderly parents or managing finances consumes too much of their mind without realizing that the couple’s relationship has been pushed to a lower priority. As a result, they start living parallel lives where conversations revolve around schedules, chores, bills, and children. Time spent together is less and less, affectionate gestures, physical touch or romantic teasing are replaced by tension, conflicts and accumulated resentments.

“These are early warning signals that the relationship is no longer being proactively cared for, leading to a decline in sex life soon after,” she said.

On the contrary, Dr. Elton also pointed out that many couples still maintain regular sex just to “keep the peace” or avoid conflicts. Although from the outside their love life seems normal, on the inside they fall into a state of emptiness and emotional disconnection. Physical intimacy and spiritual connection always go hand in hand, so if you want to improve your sex life, you must focus on the connection between two people.

“If one or both partners continually feel rejected, lonely, resentful, or avoid sexual conversations altogether, it’s time to seek professional help,” says a marriage and family therapist.

Similarly, if experiencing conditions such as pain during sex, erectile dysfunction, endocrine disorders, psychological trauma, depression, anxiety or long-term imbalance in desire, couples should work with experts to resolve these issues as soon as possible.

Finally, the sexologist affirmed that the difference in sexual desire between husband and wife is “completely normal”. The key to overcoming it is to approach the issue of intimacy from a “team” perspective. Understanding means always remaining curious and interested in the other person’s feelings. Instead of putting pressure or being withdrawn, couples should communicate openly, respect each other’s boundaries, and find an intimate method that makes them both comfortable.

In addition, expanding the concept of intimacy to include physical displays of affection, physical touch, flirting or quality time spent together will help strengthen the bond and facilitate the return of natural sexual desire.