Stay up late for the ÖFB game? Thank you for nothing, Mr. Federal President

Not because my child wouldn’t have seen the game anyway. But because I wonder how long the Federal President has been a family coach as a part-time job. How does this work now? Yesterday: “Dear parents, today the children are allowed to stay up later.” Then tomorrow: “Please don’t demand the broccoli so harshly. It’s the holidays after all.” And three weeks later: “Today, as an exception, the children are allowed to eat three scoops of ice cream. It’s August.” And at the start of school there is the presidential recommendation that chocolate can, for once, also be considered food for the nerves. In the name of national harmony.

Thank you for nothing, Mr. Federal President

Sounds absurd. It is too. Of course it was all meant nicely. Of course it was tongue in cheek. And of course thousands of children thought: “Ha! Even the Federal President says I can stay up later!” But that’s exactly the point. The certain point. Anyone who argues with one or more young people every evening knows that every argument is mercilessly exploited. “Five more minutes please.” “No.” “But the Federal President …” Thanks for nothing.

Don’t get me wrong: my child was allowed to watch the game too. And the next morning it had about the same dynamic as a bag of cement with eyes. That wasn’t surprising. Sleep is still surprisingly important. But sometimes you accept the lack of it.

Only: We parents decided that. Not the Hofburg. And anyway: why football?

There needs to be an ORF special broadcast for the Swift wedding

I like football. Really. But why is the round of 16 becoming a national state of emergency? Where is the video message if Austria takes part in the Chess Olympics? Or when an Austrian chef competes in the Bocuse d’Or? Should the children also stay up later? Other children don’t count the days until kick-off, but until the next manga volume finally appears. And then they spend the night there. Mr. Federal President, what do you think of that? My condolences also go out to the Swifties. Although: If Taylor Swift actually got married, the ORF would have to broadcast an eight-hour special broadcast. Mr. Federal President, that would only be fair. And then can we cancel school the next day?

There has to be equality. Football is great. But it is not the standard by which family life should be based. By the way, I still have a few topics for the Federal President’s next Instagram appearance: “Dear parents, please no screen time today. Except for my speech.” Or: “Don’t forget to brush your teeth. Austria is counting on you.” Or my personal favorite: “Dear children, please clean your room. Your parents also have a day off.”

At that point at the latest it would be finally clear who is really responsible for raising children in Austria. Until then, I’ll stick with an old-fashioned model: When a child goes to bed, it’s still the parents or, for me, the grandparents, aunt, uncle or babysitter who decide. Don’t fix politicians. By the way, I will take back every line of this if Austria is in the final in 2030. But until then…